I am learning
Learning to withhold the urge
The urge to jump (up) to his help
The urge to wake him up so he doesn't miss the bus (again)
The urge to ring him when I know for sure
the phone's going to go unanswered
The urge to fear for him and his failing to dream
The urge to live his life the way I wish.
I am learning
Learning to withhold myself from being
a manager of a project of 'raising a child'
I am learning that I don't own him.
I am learning to be a father
who does not know everything.
I am learning
Learning to be a father who's willing to accept,
a father who's there come what may.
I am learning
Learning to be a father
who's stepped out of the shadows of my childhood,
growing into the one I wish I had for myself
as a child in perennial fear of failing his father.
I am learning
Learning to be a father I missed
to just hold me near
without a sigh of judgement or scare.
I am learning
Learning to hold myself from being him for him
Learning to let him figure out his way, his style,
his being a child and a father to me.
I am learning
Learning to let him stumble
Some falls, few bruises
but never the scars of being what we were
Two beings learning from life, blossoming together.
I am learning
Learning to be a father
without unbecoming the child in me ever.
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